- Mark Wahlberg Character (John Bennett)
- Mila Kunis Character (Lori Collins)
- Seth MacFarlane Character (Ted (voice))
- Joel McHale Character (Rex)
- Giovanni Ribisi Character (Donny)
- Patrick Warburton Character (Guy)
- Matt Walsh Character (Thomas)
- Jessica Barth Character (Tami-Lynn)
- Aedin Mincks Character (Robert)
- Bill Smitrovich Character (Frank)
- Patrick Stewart Character (Narrator)
- Laura Vandervoort Character (Tanya)
- Bretton Manley Character (Young John)
- Alex Borstein Character (John's Mom)
- Jessica Stroup Character (Tracy)
- Tara Strong Character (Bellybutton)
- Norah Jones Character (Herself)
- Sam J. Jones Character (Himself)
- Robert Wu Character (Asian Man 'Ming')
- John Viener Character (Alix)
- Ginger Gonzaga Character (Gina)
- Melissa Ordway Character (Michelle)
- Max Harris Character (Greenbaum Kid)
- Tom Skerritt Character (Himself)
- Kristina Ellery Character (Heavenly)
- Katelyn Lorren Character (Cherene)
- Chanty Sok Character (Angelique)
- Sarah Fischer Character (Sauvignon Blanc)
- Ryan Reynolds Character (Jared (uncredited))
- Ted Danson Character (Ted Danson (uncredited))
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